It took a killer bug to make me keep still for a few days.
It took a killer bug to make me silent for a few days.
While this bug is around and lots of people have it,
I couldn't but wonder about the metaphor of
not being able to speak.
The voice closing down as if it refused to engage
with the world anymore, as if it wanted,
it needed silence to force some kind of reflection on me,
to stop the relentless action
or should I say reaction to recent events.
You hurt? Act, act, act. This often works. Not this time.
The body naturally reacted. The body naturally took
over and stopped the madness.
The body screamed: slow down and think!
I did. The past became the present,
the present felt clear and the future full of possibilities.
I thought about love and hate, about dynamics,
about passion, about dominance and submission,
about reality and delusion and how hard
it can sometimes be to tell one from the other.
I came to a crystal clear decision.
Time will tell if it's the right one.
I thought about how a square box can never fit into a circle,
something simple, something basic, something that needs to be
accepted. No matter how close I get to the centre,
my take on reality will remain that of the outsider.
That's what shaped me initially but now, all these years later,
it's a rational position to take
given the demolishing nature of the mainstream.
And with the thoughts and feelings and keeping still and just being,
action inevitably arose - organically this time
rather than manically. Ideas for my new play morphed into characters
and scenes - on the page.
It took a killer bug to make me silent for a few days.
While this bug is around and lots of people have it,
I couldn't but wonder about the metaphor of
not being able to speak.
The voice closing down as if it refused to engage
with the world anymore, as if it wanted,
it needed silence to force some kind of reflection on me,
to stop the relentless action
or should I say reaction to recent events.
You hurt? Act, act, act. This often works. Not this time.
The body naturally reacted. The body naturally took
over and stopped the madness.
The body screamed: slow down and think!
I did. The past became the present,
the present felt clear and the future full of possibilities.
I thought about love and hate, about dynamics,
about passion, about dominance and submission,
about reality and delusion and how hard
it can sometimes be to tell one from the other.
I came to a crystal clear decision.
Time will tell if it's the right one.
I thought about how a square box can never fit into a circle,
something simple, something basic, something that needs to be
accepted. No matter how close I get to the centre,
my take on reality will remain that of the outsider.
That's what shaped me initially but now, all these years later,
it's a rational position to take
given the demolishing nature of the mainstream.
And with the thoughts and feelings and keeping still and just being,
action inevitably arose - organically this time
rather than manically. Ideas for my new play morphed into characters
and scenes - on the page.
Work and play seemed so close to each other.
I picked up my bass guitar again for the first time
in months and let my fingers dance on those strings.
I picked up my bass guitar again for the first time
in months and let my fingers dance on those strings.
Pure soul medicine!
I almost feel like saying 'thank you' bug!!!
I almost feel like saying 'thank you' bug!!!
1 comment:
After reading your post Nina, I remembered a poem that I wrote back in Uni, in Cherry's class, about my 'hetera mother tongue', (that was the title of it), saying that she (my tongue) slept with an English man and she was quite a whore cause she was multicultural..
I will send it one day.. Now, it's lying in my draw!
I linked you through my blog!
Have a nice day!
xxx
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